Editor's note: for more on bridal attendants and their responsibilities, see The Wedding Party, in the Miss SOS archives.

Here Comes the ... Bridesmaid? (May, 2008)

In ancient Rome, it was the custom for the Bride to have 10 people dress alike to witness the wedding to confuse any evil spirits or jealous suitors intent on marring the festivities. In early England, Bridesmaids would escort the Bride to her wedding to protect her from thieves after her dowry.

Probably as old as marriage itself, the custom of having Bridesmaids plays a prominent role on your special day. Though Bridesmaids are no longer chosen for their ability to protect, you still should select them carefully.

Choose people closest to you. Traditionally, the Bride’s sister is her Maid of Honor (or Matron if married). Have a best friend you grew up with or from your college days? Not to worry. It’s quite acceptable to have a Maid and a Matron of Honor to attend you. Just know you’ll have to select one to stand closest to you at the altar to hold your bouquet, etc. And, though not required, asking the sister of your fiancé makes for good family relations. Some Brides ask a male friend or relative – and why not? These days crossing genders is quite common. It’s all about who’s closest to you.

There’s no rule on the number of attendants you should have, nor does the Groom’s side have to equal the number on the Bride’s side. For a small informal wedding, you may just want a Maid of Honor. If it’s a large wedding, four to six Bridesmaids is common.

The attendant’s responsibilities and duties are dependant on how involved the Bride wishes them to be. Be clear about what you expect from them. To give them as much time as possible, contact them shortly after your engagement has been announced. Ideally you should ask in person but if that’s not possible, call. One Bride wanted to ask a potential Bridesmaid who lived more than 1200 miles away. She sent her a bouquet of flowers with a card asking her to be in her wedding party, and then followed up with a telephone call. E-mail invitations are too impersonal however, once the wedding party is assembled, e-mail is a great way to keep your Bridesmaids up-to-date on how the wedding plans are progressing.

All Bridal attendants should be prepared to buy their own dresses and accessories. (The Bride’s family furnishes the attendant’s bouquets in addition to any floral headdresses.) They are to promptly arrive and attend the Wedding Rehearsal, and must keep their fitting appointments. They may send a give to the Bridal Couple either individually or as a group or with their parents. Bridal attendants are invited to all parties given for the Bride or the Bridal Couple with the exception of office parties or special group parties. Bridal Attendants stand in the Receiving Line. (Groom Attendants and Ushers do not.)

To express your appreciation, it is customary to give each of your Bridal attendants a thank-you present, such as a necklace, or earrings, or a small handbag, or a box of spa items—the list is almost endless.

Of course, your attendants will all agree that the most meaningful and lasting gift you gave them was being asked to fill such an important role on your wedding day.