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Editor's Note: For more on toasts, check this page.
Winning Toast (October 2007)
According to a recent poll, 48% of all Brides are worried about the Best Man’s Toast, hoping that it will not be embarrassing or uncomfortable, but instead thoughtful and appropriate. And there’s good reason to be concerned. We’ve all heard toasts that made us squirm in our seats, questioning the judgment of the person giving the toast. To help guide your Best Man, give him this list of toasting do’s and don’ts, along with your appreciation and gratitude in letting him know how much you are relying on him in helping make your day so special.
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DO . . .
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DON’T . . .
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| Start off by introducing yourself and thanking everyone for attending, as well as the couple’s parents if they’re hosting the event. Explain your connection to the Groom and tell a funny (but tasteful) story or two about your friendship, skipping the inside jokes. |
Forget to talk about the Bride and why she’s a perfect match for the Groom. Tell a quick story about the first time you met her or how you knew the Groom was falling in love with her. Make your words personal, as if they couldn’t possibly be used to describe any other couple.
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| Feel free to share a little bit about the Groom, from his fashion sense to his culinary skills, or singing and dancing abilities (or lack thereof). |
Mention ex-girlfriends, former bachelor “stud” status, alcohol or drug use, violence, anything sexist or negative about the wedding or family members.
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Talk about what a bright future the Bride and Groom will have together and wishing them lots of luck in their new life together. If you wish, incorporate a little relationship advice – from personal experience, or from quotations, song lyrics, poems, or passages from spiritual literature.
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Forget a conclusion. Raise your glass and ask the other guests to join you. Look directly at the happy couple, say “Here’s to (fill in the blank), and take a sip from your glass.
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Practice. You’ll feel calmer in giving the toast when you know it well. Make sure it’s no longer than 3-5 minutes. Got for quality over quantity – even a 1-minute speech can be a home run if it’s heartfelt.
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Have more than one drink before giving your toast.You want to make sure you can enunciate and not slur your words. Plus your judgment on what’s funny or not won’t be impaired.
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| Use notecards to remember the key talking points. Stiff cards work better in shaky hands than flimsy sheets of paper. Try not to read your entire toast from the notecards. |
Rush. Take a deep breath and look around the room before starting your speech. Stand away from the microphone to avoid any screeching noises so that guests aren’t backing away from the sound.
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| Pause if you get a laugh. Wait until it dies down before moving on to your next line. |
Lose confidence if one of your funny jokes misses the mark. You may be the only one who noticed. Just keep going and don’t give it a second thought.
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Wedding Speeches and Toasts (September 2002)
Oh no, the moment is almost upon you. For weeks now you’ve heard the ominous words ‘You’ll have to make a speech or toast!’ Despite your racing heart, have no fear. It can be fun. Some of the best things in making a wedding toast is that you have a unique opportunity to pay compliments to those you love most, to express thanks, give information, and quite simply, you’re continuing a centuries-old tradition.
Who makes a toast and when?
The Father of the Groom makes his toast at the Rehearsal Dinner, welcoming the Bride to the family.
The Best Man formally kicks-off the wedding reception celebration with his toast. It’s important that his toast be flattering to the Bride and is to omit any details about the courtship that the Bride’s grandparents might not want to hear.
Sometimes the Maid of Honor wishes to make a toast. Her toast generally follows the Best Man or she may wait until later in the reception for another appropriate moment, say after the dinner has concluded.
The Father of the Bride toasts the happy couple after the Best Man (and Maid of Honor, if applicable). His speech salutes his new son-in-law and welcomes guests to the festivities.
If a member of the clergy is to give the blessing, his blessing immediately precedes the dinner but after the Father of the Bride’s toast.
To assist in giving the perfect presentation, here are some hints:
Preparation:
Your speech or toast should preferably last no longer than 5 minutes. Too short and it may seem rude, too long and guests start getting bored and antsy.
Don’t drown yourself in pages of notes. Learn a bit about the Bridal Couple, where they have lived and worked, where they met, their education, work skills, achievements, hobbies, and character. Feel free to personalize the toast based on your own experiences with the Bride or Groom.
Look for ideas on which you wish to expound or expand. The theme of marriage itself is always popular. It might be fun to ask the parents of the Bride and Groom about their marriages to incorporate in the toast. Did their marriage take place in wartime? Wearing similar clothes? With hundreds of guests?
Prune your notes and arrange them in the order you would like to use them
Rehearse by reading the speech or toast aloud to yourself first. Try to hear yourself speak. You want it to sound like something you would say spontaneously.
Delivery:
Be audible. Before you begin, take a deep breath so that you don’t run out of breath in the middle of the sentence.
Keep your head up. Don’t talk to your tie or your toes and whatever you do, don’t mumble. You want to be heard clearly, even to those guests sitting at the back of the room.
Pace your toast. Don’t say it as fast as you can as if you can’t wait to finish and sit down. Inflect changes in emotion: gratitude, surprise, amusement, and seriousness. Always pause after telling a joke. Guests require a moment to know that the joke ended, reflect and catch the subtle nuances.
If you’re using a microphone:
- Start softly and then speak louder. You don’t want to start by bellowing so loudly that people shrink in alarm. If you see people cowering back, you’re too loud. Alternatively, see if they are straining to hear you.
- Do not put the microphone so close to your lips that it picks up every sound including your breathing.
- Don’t be frightened by hearing the sound of your own voice magnified. Everybody wants to hear you and what you have to say.
And don’t forget, before starting your toast, make sure you (and the guests) have a filled glass.
TOAST TO THE BRIDE AND GROOM
Some people don’t know where to begin in preparing a toast. Here are some sample speeches to give you a start.
Brief, simple Toasts:
I would like to propose a toast to Corry and Christopher, wishing them much joy and happiness for their future together. May all their troubles be little ones. To Corry and Chris.
May the happiness you are experiencing now continue through the years. You have been married under God and may He provide you with the wealth, health, and happiness a union such as yours deserves. I know everyone will join me in this toast. To Chris and his lady for life.
It gives me special pleasure to be present as the Best Man at Chris and Corry’s wedding. May their lives continue with equal joy and may they share many happy moments together such as this with our family and friends. Here’s to Corry and Christopher.
Longer, more personalized Toasts:
Corry and Christopher had always envisioned this lovely gathering of family and friends being with them on this very special day. We are honored to be gathered together as close friends or relatives. We all have personal knowledge of Corry’s unique qualities, her beauty of soul, her generosity of spirit, and the ability to make everyone laugh. I am delighted that she married Christopher, my new son-in-law, who is admired by his family and close friends. I like and respect him for all for his hard work/talents/skills/zest for life. He shares many of Corry’s wonderful qualities and they both deserve all of the best in life. Please stand and join me in toasting Corry and Christopher.
Rabbi Cohen, Ladies and Gentlemen, all those I love, words fail me in expressing how pleased I am to see my son Christopher look so happy. My wife and I do not feel that we are losing Chris but are at long last are gaining a daughter – and a lovely one. During the last few days/months/years as we have gotten to know Corry better, she has shown herself to be exactly the sort of person we had always hoped Chris would marry – beautiful, charming, loving, generous, did I mention beautiful? – with a clear idea of what she wants from life and how to achieve it. I know that her many friends and family, as well as those who have only recently met her, think that this must be one of those marriages that are made in heaven, and will want to join me in wishing Christopher and Corry a long and happy married life together. So please stand and raise your glasses, and drink to the health and happiness of Christopher and Corry. (Pause). To Christopher and Corry.
Whatever you do, avoid:
"The Over-apologetic Toast"
Umm, umm, I’ve never, umm, given a speech before, umm, and I hope it’s all right. Umm, let me see, where are my notes? Umm, maybe they’re in my pocket, … no, umm (silence) … I thought for sure they were here, umm (pause), …well, I can’t find them. I’m trying to remember the joke, um, oh heck, my mind is completely blank. You probably all had heard it anyway. So, um, anyway, um, I’m sure you’ll want to wish Chris well with his bride, um, oh what’s-her-name, oh yes, Corry, and to their life together.
"The Negative Toast"
I hate standing up in public and talk but I’ve been told that I have to make a toast as the Best Man. I’m not very good at speaking in front of crowds but here it goes anyway. I probably know Corry better than anyone here, outside of the Groom Chris, of course. I dated Corry first and found her to be a fun, hot time. But I got tired of her, or she got tired of me, whatever, and so she ended up with Chris. I suppose it’s what she wanted. Anyway, after they’ve been living together for 2 years, I would guess he’s what she wants. Who can figure out women? Anyway, if you haven’t got a drink yet, I see the bar is still open or grab a glass of water. To Corry and Chris! Thank God, can I sit down now?
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