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Bride's Escort Down the Aisle

Dear Miss SOS:

My parents died quite some time ago and I was raised by my grandmother. Is it OK for her to walk me down the aisle?

Miss SOS cannot think of anything more lovely than to have your grandmother escort you.

Role of Members of the Wedding Party

Dear Miss SOS:

Do I need to have a matron of honor or groomsmen as part of our wedding party?

A Bride and Groom require an officiant to marry them and two witnesses (of legal age) to sign the marriage license. This applies to either a civil ceremony or religious service. Many times the Bridal Couple have the two witnesses double as Maid/Matron of Honor and Best Man or the Bride and Groom may stand alone at the altar. It is Miss SOS experience that it works best when there are two members of the wedding party present – one to hold the Bridal Bouquet during the exchange of vows and the other to hold on to the jewelry until the exchange of wedding rings. Any other attendants (bridesmaids, groomsmen, ring bearers, flower girls) are optional.

Dear Miss SOS:

Reading the PrescottWeddings.com article about men being bridesmaids and women being groomsmen, I see nothing wrong with that. My daughter is getting married this summer and she asked her best friend who is a male to be in her wedding. He was delighted. I’m just not certain how they walk down the aisle. Do they walk with the bridesmaids going down and surely they don’t walk with the ushers going up … but I think it will be nice.

A gentleman serving as an attendant for the Bride in her wedding party is referred to as either a Bridesman or Honor Attendant. His responsibilities and duties are the same as a Bridesmaid. He is to smile charmingly during the Processional, Recessional, Receiving Line, and while going around the Reception accepting silly comments. He is seated at the Bride’s Table, alternated with Groomsmen if the Reception is a seated affair.

During the Processional, he is to walk down the aisle as the other Bridesmaids, either individually or in pairs. He does not wear a dress or high heels nor does he carry a bouquet. Instead, he is dressed similarly to the other Groomsmen but has on a different cummerbund or tie and vest, perhaps complimenting the Bridesmaid’s colors, and wears a boutonniere. Either a Groomsmen or Usher escorts him for the Recessional. No arm is pro-offered; they walk side by side.

Dear Miss SOS:

I’m so confused. What exactly are the responsibilities of the Wedding Party? And who pays for what?

Members of your Wedding Party have specific assigned responsibilities depending on the station they hold. The Maid of Honor’s responsibilities are different than those of the Best Man, as are Bridesmaids to Groomsmen, Groomsmen to Ushers, and Flower Girl to Ring Bearer. However, here are general guidelines that might be helpful.

All Bridal Attendants buy their own dresses and accessories. The Bride’s family furnishes Bridal Attendant’s Bouquets as well as the headdresses if they are made of flowers.

The Groom’s Attendants buy or rent their own attire. The Groom furnishes the boutonnieres, their gloves and ties.

All Attendants must promptly arrive and attend the Rehearsal Dinner.

All Attendants must keep their fitting and party appointments.

All Attendants send a wedding gift to the Bridal Couple, either individually, or as a group, or with their parents.

Bridal Attendants are invited to all parties given for the Bride. Exception: Office parties or special group parties.

Groom Attendants, except for Ring Bearer, are invited to all stag parties.

Bridal and Groom Attendants are invited to all parties given for the Bridal Couple. Exception: Office parties or special group parties.

Bridal Attendants stand in the Receiving Line; Groom Attendants and Ushers do not.

The Best Man does not stand in the Receiving Line unless he is also the Father of the Groom in which case he has an option.

Children Attendants do not stand in the Receiving Line.

Specific Duties of Groomsmen

Dear Miss SOS:

I feel silly writing to you. I’ve agreed to be the Best Man at a wedding. I know I’m to give the toast. Is there anything else I should know?

Though Miss SOS is puzzled why a gentleman would feel silly displaying good breeding, she is pleased to respond to your inquiry. The duties of the Best Man are more involved than many people are led to believe. The responsibilities of your station include:

• Giving the Bachelor Party, if other arrangements have not been made;
  

• Assisting with honeymoon hotel arrangements;
  

• Help the Groom dress for the Ceremony;
  

• Drives the Groom to the Church;
  

• Ensure the Groom has the Marriage License;
  

• Is in charge of the Minister’s fee (which the Groom has given to you in a white envelope prior to the Ceremony);
  

• Carries the Wedding Ring;
  

• Reminds the Groom to remove his gloves when the Bride comes down the Aisle;
  

• Signs the Marriage License as a Witness;
  

• Proposes the First Toast, flattering to the Bride, omitting any details about the courtship or the Groom’s character that the Bride’s Grandparents might not want to know;
  

• Reads any congratulatory telegrams;
  

• Dances with the Bride, both Mothers, and as many of the Bridal Attendants and Guests as possible;
  

• Supervises Groomsmen/Ushers, encouraging them to dance with the Bridesmaids, especially the Junior Bridesmaids;
  

• Vetoes any ideas for jokes that would shock Guests or disable the going-away vehicle;
  

• Makes all arrangements for the going-away car and see the Bridal Couple off if they are leaving by train, boat, or plane;
  

• Ensures the Bridal Couple’s luggage is packed in the going-away car;
  

• Assists the Bride’s Mother with any last-minute chores.
  

Choosing Bridesmaids

Dear Miss SOS:

Dear Miss SOS:

One of my bridesmaids is married. Should I ask her spouse to be in the wedding party?

It is not necessary to ask an attendant’s spouse to participate in the wedding party unless of course both partners are close friends of both the Bride and Groom and would have been asked in any event. The spouse is, of course, to be invited to the wedding and if possible, sits at the Bridal Table during the reception.

Dear Miss SOS:

I am very happy to be engaged as of 2 days ago, but I am becoming very stressed at the idea of choosing/asking girls to be my Maid of Honor or Bridesmaids. My problem is that I do not have many close girlfriends nor do I have a sister.

It seems that many brides-to-be have the problem of whom to choose between so many friends and I feel a little disheartened that my dilemma is the opposite. I do have one very close girlfriend whom I would consider my best friend. I have thought about her to be my Maid of Honor and feel confident she will accept (she is getting married in September and I am in her wedding, but not as her Maid of Honor). I have also recently become quite close with her Maid of Honor and feel she will probably be a lifelong friend as well, but I’m not sure if it would be appropriate for me to ask her to be a Bridesmaid since we have not known each other very long. My mother’s sister is a possibility for a Matron of Honor but other than that I really don’t have anyone!

Will I look like a complete loser if I can’t fill a bridal party? Also, how long after announcing our engagement should we ask friends to be our attendants? If we wait awhile to make sure we are choosing the right people, will it appear rude? Thanks for listening.

What Miss SOS would like to know is the number of attendants you’ve been told that you must have in your wedding party. Has someone erroneously given you the impression that the larger the wedding party, the more proper it is? It is just as correct to have only one Honor Attendant, as it is to a have a bevy of Bridesmaids. It is your prerogative if all you desire is one close friend (or family member) to attend you at the altar. Should you be uncomfortable asking your new friend to be a Bridesmaid, consider involving her in other areas, such as being your Guest Book Attendant.

After selecting your wedding date and site location, you should contact those that you would like to participate in your wedding. This provides them with as much advance notice as possible so that they can arrange their schedule accordingly.

Dear Miss SOS:

I have asked my best friend to attend me at the altar. She’s divorced. Is she to be called my Maid of Honor or Matron of Honor?

Miss SOS is trying to find a delicate way to phrase this but a lady can only be a maiden once. The correct title for your best friend’s station is Matron of Honor.

Dear Miss SOS:

I have two friends that I love equally and can’t decide which one to ask to be my Maid of Honor. I’m afraid that no matter who I choose, the other will be hurt. One is married and the other is not. Does this make a difference? Can you suggest anything to help me keep my friendship with both?

You may take a deep breath and relax, knowing your friendship with both is secure. It is perfectly acceptable to have both a Maid of Honor and a Matron of Honor in your wedding party. If both a Maid and Matron of Honor are being used, the Bride must decide which one will attend her at the Altar. The one attending her will walk directly in front of the Bride (unless there is a Flower Girl and/or Ring Bearer. If the Bridesmaids are walking in pairs, the Maid and Matron of Honor may walk together and as they approach the Altar, the attending Maid or Matron will stand nearer the Bride.