Dear Miss SOS:
 
I’m really steamed. I was recently married to the man of my dreams and have yet to receive very many wedding gifts. When I asked some of my family members why they hadn’t sent a gift, my aunt for one responded that since it was my fourth marriage she felt that a congratulation card was more than appropriate. Granted, she had sent presents for my first marriages but I can’t help but feel that she’s slighting my new husband. How can I let people know that their actions are wrong?

Contrary to popular belief, family members, friends and wedding guests are not obligated to give a wedding gift to the happy couple, even for a first wedding or any subsequent ones that may follow. Your actions in contacting individuals regarding the whereabouts of any gift that you were expecting are unbecoming at best, and crude at worst.

Your wedding is not a fundraiser nor is it to be a method in which to furnish your home or obtain personal items. A note extending congratulations and best wishes for a long and happy life together is considered sufficient, especially in the circumstances you described.

Dear Miss SOS:

My budget is extremely tight. Though I would love to be able to have all my single friends to bring a date, I can’t afford to include their escort. Is it OK to just address the invitation to them without adding the words “and guest”.

As long as your single guest is not engaged or living with a domestic partner, it is quite permissible to address the invitation to just the individual solo. If they ask if it is possible to bring a date, be candid and tell them that due to limitations, you are not able to accommodate their request. It is not necessary to share what those limitations may be, whether financial or space restrictions, etc.

On a side note, addressed invitations should never include the wording “and guest” as it indicates you are abdicating the guest list to them. If single friends are able to bring a escort, you are to ask who that individual would be and their address, sending an invitation to that person separately.

Dear Miss SOS:

I am the mother of young woman who has been asked to be a bridesmaid at one of her sorority’s sister’s wedding. The wedding is only a week away and I have not yet received my invitation. Should I call the bride’s mother and RSVP anyway to let her know that I will be attending?

In two words, absolutely not. Only invited guests may respond to an invitation. It is not required that parents of a member of the bride’s wedding party be invited to the ceremony or reception, unless the wedding party member is the flower girl or ring bearer. Only then are the parents to be included in the guest list.

Dear Miss SOS:

My colleagues at work are aware that I will be getting married. My guest list is already stretched. Do I have to invite them?

Unless your colleagues have evolved into being personal friends that you socialize with outside the office (lunch buddies don’t count), it is not necessary to invite them to attend the festivities. The exception would be your boss or assistant, whom you can invite without setting off a chain reaction. In the meantime, stop talking about your wedding plans to your co-workers.

Dear Miss SOS:

I’m freaked out. I peeked at my bridal registry and about 75% of the items are still there. What can I do to kick-start it?

This is what occurs when a Bride takes the position that her bridal registry is a shopping list and not a convenience for friends and family who are seeking ideas for a wedding gift. A giver is not required to purchase any item that’s been registered and may instead opt to gift you with another item altogether that they believe you may appreciate or enjoy.

You are to do nothing to “kick-start” the registry but merely express your deepest appreciation and gratitude for any present that you may receive, whether it be an item you registered for or a hand-crafted afghan that your grandmother made.

Dear Miss SOS:

I am the Maid of Honor for my dearest and longest friend. I am planning a “spa day” for her, the other bridesmaids, and some of her family and friends. However, not everyone is able to afford the spa treatments and many won’t be attending. Is it permissible for me to host another party at my home, serving just snacks and beverages?

Your friend is a very lucky Bride to have such a gracious friend, cognizant of the financial concerns of those who would otherwise enjoy participating. By all means, you may host another party at your home, whether it be a Bridal Shower or just a means for family and friends to become acquainted prior to the big day.

PrescottWeddings.com FREE e-zine series “Making It Happen” is one of the best tools Miss SOS can recommend. It helps you plan your timeline, provides valuable hints on how to cut the cost and not the dream, lets you know what questions you should be asking, and gives other great information. Subscribe online at www.prescottweddings.com/signup.html.



Have a question? Write Miss SOS at hazel@hazellbowman.com